Sitting at the rocky beach in Devenport before the clock hit 12am to let everyone know that that it's 2020 I was thinking about how maybe my year was going to be really really bad, I know that it seemed sad to think of at the time but I felt as though I had nothing. All of this kind of changed when I decided that I would start going to Hellyer college, I didn't really have friends but I had a huge feeling that this year would be a huge but awesome impact on me and that's one thing that I've kept in my mind to remind myself that I can make my 2020 special without a fail.
I've had so much happen and I know what I said above but not everything goes according to plan, things have gotten difficult for me and at those stages, I've felt alone like I had no one because even though IO had my old friends from Penguin I didn't really know anyone at Hellyer and that was hard for me.
Struggles that I went through that made me feel like crap were:
- Arguments with parents
- Tried running away from home
- Lost friends
- Hated myself on multiple equations
- Had breakdowns
- Mental health started playing up
- Lost my Auntie to cancer
Despite all of this I kept reminding myself in some way I wasn't alone, I wanted to meet new people even if I had trust issues I needed to push that aside and to learn how to trust people more. I know that not everyone is the same but I couldn't bear the idea of getting attached to someone just for them to get up and leave me like our friendship meant absolutely nothing. A few weeks into school I meet some new people they were actually they are all really good people I actually couldn't have asked for better friends. One thing that I forgot to mention when I started school I decided to switch my classes and they were really cool everyone in my class were and still are great but there was one person who somehow always seemed to make me smile every time he looked at me. To me I didn't know how he made me smile but he did, I decided I'd start talking to him so I can get to know him we became friends and a few weeks later I actually discovered that I had feelings for him I was nervous I had no idea what to do!!
Every time I saw him I got super nervous, I hadn't really had a relationship beforehand where I hadn't been cheated on and all that so I didn't know if I should push forwards with my feelings for him. I soon realised that I should never waste time and decided to ask him out we dated for a while but then we went through a rough patch and took some time apart. It kind of hurt knowing that I had actually lost a relationship where someone had cared about me and I cared about them I felt lost for a while but I got myself back on track and just decided to focus on me for a while.
Two weeks later I spoke to him and we both realised we didn't want to move on from one another and got back together, I'm actually happy since I still have him in my life he's been nothing but great to me. We have actually been together for 1 month and 1 day, I will say tho since this COVID-19 shit has been going on I kinda miss seeing him it sucks not being able to see hi smile but when this is all over it'll be worth the wait...I know it will be.
But besides all of this, I look forward to seeing what the rest of my 2020 has planned for me.
I've had so much happen and I know what I said above but not everything goes according to plan, things have gotten difficult for me and at those stages, I've felt alone like I had no one because even though IO had my old friends from Penguin I didn't really know anyone at Hellyer and that was hard for me.
Struggles that I went through that made me feel like crap were:
- Arguments with parents
- Tried running away from home
- Lost friends
- Hated myself on multiple equations
- Had breakdowns
- Mental health started playing up
- Lost my Auntie to cancer
Despite all of this I kept reminding myself in some way I wasn't alone, I wanted to meet new people even if I had trust issues I needed to push that aside and to learn how to trust people more. I know that not everyone is the same but I couldn't bear the idea of getting attached to someone just for them to get up and leave me like our friendship meant absolutely nothing. A few weeks into school I meet some new people they were actually they are all really good people I actually couldn't have asked for better friends. One thing that I forgot to mention when I started school I decided to switch my classes and they were really cool everyone in my class were and still are great but there was one person who somehow always seemed to make me smile every time he looked at me. To me I didn't know how he made me smile but he did, I decided I'd start talking to him so I can get to know him we became friends and a few weeks later I actually discovered that I had feelings for him I was nervous I had no idea what to do!!
Every time I saw him I got super nervous, I hadn't really had a relationship beforehand where I hadn't been cheated on and all that so I didn't know if I should push forwards with my feelings for him. I soon realised that I should never waste time and decided to ask him out we dated for a while but then we went through a rough patch and took some time apart. It kind of hurt knowing that I had actually lost a relationship where someone had cared about me and I cared about them I felt lost for a while but I got myself back on track and just decided to focus on me for a while.
Two weeks later I spoke to him and we both realised we didn't want to move on from one another and got back together, I'm actually happy since I still have him in my life he's been nothing but great to me. We have actually been together for 1 month and 1 day, I will say tho since this COVID-19 shit has been going on I kinda miss seeing him it sucks not being able to see hi smile but when this is all over it'll be worth the wait...I know it will be.
But besides all of this, I look forward to seeing what the rest of my 2020 has planned for me.
